Let Me Stay
by CallMeAddicted
Summary: In the middle of a DIY home renovation, Regina receives a visit from a stranger from her past. Past hurt and anger over new revelations come to a steamy and passionate head. But Regina has a decision to make - what will it be? AU, no magic. Real world drama
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I just realized there's a story by CarrotLucky13 called 'Difficuly Breathing' and our stories are incredibly similar. CarroyLucky13 posted before I did. I didn't intend to post something so similar - it is purely coincidence. I read 'Difficulty Breathing' and it's a great one-shot. I recommend you read it if you haven't. Please read below for info on what inspired me to write this story.**_

 _ **A few weeks ago, I had a dream about a stranger from my past who I loved a lot. When I woke up, I remembered every gritty detail of the dream so vividly - the touches, the tastes, the smells - so I decided to write it down. But because I don't like wallowing in my own messed up past love life, I decided to have some fun with the dream and turned it into a Swan Queen story. Which means all I did was change the names lol. I could possibly continue and make this a multi-chapter, but only if I get enough feedback. So let's say 20 or more reviews and I'll continue. Otherwise, it will remain a one-shot.**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

All the doors and windows were open in Regina's new house. The smell of fresh paint was driving her insane. It wasn't a huge house; but it was open and light. And it was hers.

The backyard was the first project she'd completed. It had a pool, a waterfall feature along the side of the yard, and hot tub near the back with a patio and fire pit. Being big on entertaining and throwing random mid-week parties just for the sake of cooking for her friends and family, it was absolutely a must to have the outdoor space completed first.

She'd been diligently working all morning in the master bathroom, removing old floor grout as the dust kicked up at her dust mask, when the doorbell alerted her to a visitor.

When she answered, she wasn't expecting to see the stranger from her past – Emma.

"Hi," the taller blonde said casually. She made no move to enter the house, sensing Regina's rising hostility levels.

"What are you doing here?"

"I got your address from Ruby – well I got it from her phone…"

"So after three years you decided to come pay me a friendly visit to what, say hi?" she asked incredulously.

Emma took a step closer, causing the other woman to defensively take a step back. "I missed you."

Letting her anger take control (because the bane of her existence was finally within arm's reach) Regina slapped her across the face. Actually it could be considered more a punch than a slap. She started out intending to slap her, but at the last second, her hand acted on its own and formed a fist.

"You have no right to miss me! You left – no explanation, no apology, not even a note. Just one day we're vacationing having a great time, and the next day you're changing your flight and leaving me to fly back home without you. What the hell could I have possibly done to make you _that_ angry where you couldn't even stand to be near me anymore? What did I do?!"

"Will you let me come in? I have an explanation."

"What possible reason could you have for humiliating me the way you did?" She paused to consider letting the woman in. "I want to hear this," she said as she let Emma pass into the house.

Regina led Emma into the bedroom. "It's the only room with furniture right now," she explained. She sat on the bed, tucked a pillow to her chest, and motioned for Emma to take the vanity chair. It was quiet for a few moments as they sat analyzing each other.

"You look really good…"

"But that's not why you're here, Emma. I let you in to hear the explanation I've been waiting three years for. So please do that."

Emma sighed and removed her jacket. It was weird hearing Regina call her 'Emma.' Normally it would just be 'Em' or 'love.' She'd only used 'Emma' when they'd first met or when she would try to push the blonde away.

"Remember that last day we were in Vegas?" Emma began. "While you were getting dressed to go out Robin sent me a text, just to say hi. We hadn't spoken in a while so we were just catching up."

"And?" Regina asked impatiently for her to get to the point.

"I knew you guys kept in contact so I was telling him about our trip then he started mentioning some things I guess he assumed I already knew –"

"Like what?" Regina interrupted.

"He mentioned the guy you were talking to for a little while – Jeremy – and asked me how you were doing with the pregnancy…"

In a total fit of exasperation, the brunette yelled out, "Who the fuck is Jeremy?! And what the hell does _Robin_ know about my life? He hasn't spoken to me – not once – since he moved to California and that was before you and I went on that trip. He knows nothing! So you're telling me that because _Robin_ ," she spat his name out disdainfully, "told you some random information about me you believed it – no questions asked?"

Emma didn't answer immediately, Regina noticed; she just looked on as Regina completely lost her shit. She seemed almost too calm and it begged the question: why? Had Emma come to terms with her own stupidity in the situation? Did she realize how idiotic it all was but couldn't really bring herself to be upset about it anymore? Or did she actually believe the lies perpetrated by one _Robin Locksley_? I mean, who did he think he was?! Who do _they_ think _they_ are?! Granted, at the time, she and Emma weren't officially a couple but they were best friends and they were in love with each other and she'd thought they were on their way to making things more official. How could Emma have believed she'd take up with some random _Jeremy_ behind the blonde's back? The fact that a pregnancy was mentioned – well Regina wasn't even about to let herself think about that. It was just too ridiculous.

She jumped off the bed and headed into the bathroom where she'd left her phone. When she returned, her fingers were wildly scrolling and searching through the device.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked.

"Calling _Robin_. I want to hear what he has to say about this…" She began dialing but the phone was taken from her hand by the eerily calm Emma.

Emma hung up the phone call and moved to site next to Regina on the bed. As she got closer – a little too close – Regina shrugged her off.

"Stop, Emma. Why are you even here? I f you believed all that stuff so much that it made you leave me, why are you here now?"

"I wanted to see you. I miss you."

"You still believe it, don't you?"

There was a pause before Emma answered, and the pause kind of says enough. "Was there someone else?" the creepy calm woman asked.

"I don't know any Jeremy! How could you believe I would do that?"

"I wasn't thinking clearly. At that time in my life, I had a lot of issues to work on – you know I did."

"And did you?"

"Mostly."

"You thought I was pregnant from some guy named Jeremy and I was hiding it from you; and you left…"

"I'm sorry." She pushed closer and sidled up to Regina, kissing her cheek, holding her close. "I made a mistake; I'm sorry."

Trying to get out of Emma's hold, the slightly smaller woman struggled but couldn't seem to put up much of a fight. She _had_ honestly missed this – longed for it even; the opportunity to see the blonde heartbreaker grovel at her feet and beg to be taken back was the thing she's wished for most over the years. So unable to escape, she allowed her body to surrender. She lay down on a pillow, facing away from the toxic blonde – she couldn't quite bring herself to look at her.

Tears ran down her cheeks when Emma pressed her lips against Regina's ear and whispered, "I think about this – how you used to whisper in my ear and bite my ear really softly." She nibbled on her ear to demonstrate.

"Is that the real reason you left?" Regina questioned. "Did it get too real for you?"

Hands bigger and stronger than her own made their way up the side of Regina's torso and brushed against her breast. She hadn't been feeling very beautiful lately, but the way that familiar touch caressed her so lovingly made her body shiver.

"I missed you," Emma whispered again as she kissed her way up and down a tear-stained face. She brought herself atop the brunette, opening Regina's thighs to settle her own body between them. She clasped their hands together and leaned into those lips, now salty with tears.

However Regina turned her cheek to Emma, not allowing the kiss. "So what, your plan is to fuck me into submission? It won't make me forget what you did – how you treated me like I wasn't worth even a second glance." Her words were scornful, voice gravelly. She was plenty angry and wanted Emma to not only know it, but to feel it. "I hate you," Regina hissed.

"I know." The woman on top made quick work of removing Regina's boots and jeans. It was like well-rehearsed choreography.

"You deserve nothing from me! Why are you here?"

"I told you – I miss you." Emma pushed herself upright, remaining between Regina's legs. "I love you," she declared as she pulled Regina by the ankles, lifting the woman's legs to rest on her shoulders. "And I want to show you how much…"

The brunette's head involuntarily fell back into the pillows once a hungry mouth made contact with her center.

"Can I show you?" Emma asked, pausing to listen for Regina's response; the response was nothing more than a grunt and head nod, so she went back to work.

The euphoria Regina was in mingled with old resentments and new anger and she was so frustrated, but it felt so damn good – so good to be vindicated and know that she hadn't actually done anything wrong, but it all was the calamitous mix between a jealous ex-friend and an idiot semi-girlfriend. It was so good to be eaten out so vigorously, and so good to hear the words 'I love you' right before. But so, so frustrating.

She couldn't handle it all and decided to stop fighting the onslaught of fear and love and loathing and tongue, and let it all go. She came so hard in that moment, tears streaming down her face as her body uncontrollably spasmed.

Emma kissed her way back up her ex's body, and covered her with herself. She kissed away the tears that fell for her, but not fast enough because new ones rapidly fell.

"I hate you," Regina choked out.

Emma simply nodded and continued kissing as if it were her only job.

"I blamed myself. I thought I did something and you didn't love me anymore…"

"It wasn't you; it was me. I'm sorry." She never let up on the kisses to the other woman's neck, jaw, chest, even though they weren't returned.

When the blonde nuzzled into the crook of Regina's neck, Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and held on. "I don't want to be with you again. You left me," she cried.

And for the first time in this whole ordeal, Emma showed some sign of being affected by it all – her tears fell into the space between Regina's breasts.

"Everyone always assumes I'm this ice queen, above-it-all bitch but you knew me. You were supposed to believe in me."

"I know you're not."

"You acted like I was just some common street whore!"

Emma pushed up to fully look at Regina. "I don't think you're some 'common street whore.' I love you…"

Shaking her head, Regina didn't respond. How could she even begin?

"Can I stay? I can make it up to you."

She continued shaking her head even as Emma kissed her lips, gently pleading for forgiveness.

"Do you love me still?" Emma asked.

"I don't know. I can't –"

"Okay, it's okay. You don't have to. But please? I want to stay with you. Please let me stay?"

Regina hesitated. She wanted to run far, far away. But this time when Emma kissed her lips, she didn't fight it. She allowed it. She even kissed back a little.

"Let me stay, baby."

She didn't answer Emma. She didn't say yes or no. She rolled onto her side and allowed Emma to take her as the little spoon – and that kind of said enough.


	2. Chapter 2

_**So I know I said I'd continue if I got 20 reviews, but screw it, I'm continuing. The 9 of you who reviewed are enough for me :) Thank you. Also, thanks to all readers, favorites and followers. I hope you enjoy this new chapter. As always, I'm open to suggestions for future chapters.**_

 _ **And to the Guest who reviewed '...there's no way Regina lets Emma off that easy...' - you're absolutely right ;)**_

* * *

Regina aggressively hit the power button on her old juicer; she opted out of using the new one – it was too quiet. She imagined the blonde in her bed was jolted awake by the incessant shrieking of the big old machine. The fact that she added ice cubes to her juice blend made the sound all the more raucous.

That's when Emma walked into the kitchen, indeed looking ill-rested and in a state of shock.

"I made you breakfast," Regina offered.

"You did?"

"But then I figured you wouldn't be up for a while anyway, so I threw it out."

And yeah, there was a perfectly cooked breakfast of sausage, eggs and toast lying in the trash bin under some used napkins and other mystery garbage. Emma gawked at Regina – she didn't know how to play this game the brunette was engaged in. She couldn't tell if it was a game or not, actually.

"Did you eat anything yet?"

"Oh no, I'm on my monthly juice cleanse. Three of these a day," she pointed to the juice she was now pouring into her travel mug, "every day for five days. Does wonders for the skin…"

"Are you going out?" the blonde asked as she got closer into the kitchen.

"I have work today. It's Monday morning."

"Is there any food left that I can make myself?"

Regina went to the bread box and took out a bag of whole wheat bread – or rather a bag of one slice (an end slice) of whole wheat bread. She threw it at Emma. "That's what's left…"

"Um," Emma began. She honest to God didn't know what was going in that diabolical mind of Regina's or when the sudden hostility came about. "Are you mad at me?"

"Nope," she replied casually.

"Okay… Look, Regina, I may have been away for a while but I still know you well enough to know that your one worded answers mean more than you let on."

"So tell me Emma, what does 'nope' actually mean?"

... ...

"Yeah, I thought so," Regina coolly answered. "I'll be home around six. We'll talk then."

As Regina packed up two of her juice blends into a lunch bag, she also donned the sunglasses that were on the kitchen counter, grabbed her keys and pocketed her phone.

She went for the front door and Emma followed behind. When Emma attempted the hug her goodbye, or kiss her or something, the shorter woman made simple work of side-stepping her advances and closed the door behind her.

Once in the car, Regina sent off a few quick texts – one to inform her assistant she'd be in a few minutes late and to ask him to get the conference room prepped for the day's meetings; a second in reply to the daily morning text her mother sent out to Regina and her siblings; and the third to just her sister, Margaret, to tell her of the unexpected house guest. It was really hard to send that text. Although Regina and her sister were close now as adults, they'd had a rocky childhood relationship. It was always a lot more difficult for Regina to be open with Margaret about her personal life than it was for her to be open with say, a stranger, or even their brother, Killian. It wasn't even that she got along better with Killian; it's just that she'd always worried so much about how Margaret saw her that she couldn't bring herself to do or say anything to cause her big sister to look at her differently.

And this – this sudden reappearance of the one person Margaret absolutely _hated_ for Regina – was going to be a struggle. Regina knew exactly what Margaret's reaction would be. She'd literally never hear the end of allowing Emma back into her life. If she ever decided to take it further, she was sure she'd be playing referee between Emma and her sister forever. But most frighteningly, she worried a great deal that her big sister would lose respect for her and do that thing where she won't say anything, but she'll look at you with disappointment in her eyes. It was gut-wrenching to say the least. And Regina seriously considered just not telling her anything. But she knew that Margaret would want her to open up and talk to her. Seriously, she could just skip work today and run away, right?

 ** _Emma came to see me yesterday_** is all the text said. It didn't need to say more. That was enough to begin the rapid flurry of text messages from Margaret. Regina placed her phone securely in her phone mount and began the drive to the office. She'd reply later.

* * *

Emma watched through the living room window as Regina got into her car and started the engine. It took her a few minutes to actually back out of the driveway, and Emma wondered what was going on or if she maybe needed assistance with something. But once the woman finally drove off, Emma headed in the direction of the master bathroom to wash up a bit.

She hadn't brought any clothes with her on this trip. In all honesty, she hadn't had a plan in coming out here to L.A. Three years ago, they were New Yorkers, had been their whole lives – except for that year and a half stint when Emma randomly moved to Florida to "find herself." But after leaving Regina, she hadn't really put much thought into where the other woman would be three years later. They shared a few mutual friends – Ruby, Neal (who was actually Emma's best friend), and of course Robin. But there was an unspoken agreement between Regina, Emma and their mutual friends that they didn't discuss one around the other. So when she began rethinking the trajectory of her life, Emma's first thought had been to go to Ruby and ask her if she thought Regina would be receptive to seeing her again. Ruby had moved to L.A. about a year before Regina had and she knew they'd kept in touch regularly. Ruby, of course, was reluctant to give Emma too much information. In fact, all she did tell her was that Regina lived near her, and yeah she was happy. She all but discouraged Emma from coming out here to try to rekindle whatever they may or may not have had in the past. As much as Ruby loved Emma as a friend, she sure as hell was not a Regina/Emma supporter – especially after Regina had told her how badly their friendship ended.

So literally, yesterday morning, Emma found herself at JFK airport getting ready to board a flight to LAX with no plans, nowhere to stay and no moral support. But she was determined to get her destiny back on track. And as her therapist had told her, she may not be successful – hell she may crash and burn. But the least she could do, for Regina, is try to make amends. She could apologize and try to be a better person.

She'd gotten Ruby's address from the Christmas card Ruby sent out last year. After getting a taxi, she'd met Ruby at her home and was invited in to talk. Ruby stepped away for a moment to use the bathroom and Emma swiped her phone, copying Regina's phone number and address into her own device. After about an hour, Ruby had apologized for not having enough space in the house to offer Emma somewhere to sleep (she had six roommates after all). But Emma brushed her off telling her she'd find a hotel.

She definitely hadn't planned for what happened last night between Regina and her. I mean, she didn't really regret it, but it was not planned. She did however begin to regret it this morning when she received the brunette's icy treatment. Maybe she should have listened to Archie after all – _'Don't move too fast – it'll scare her off…'_ He had been right. She knew she had to start making a serious effort to show Regina she's changed. And she knew she had to start now.

Emma had no clothes. She did manage to remember to pick up a travel toothbrush and deodorant at LAX once she landed.

 ** _Hey, you free today?_** Emma shot off a text to Ruby after washing up.

 _Yeah, I don't start work until 7 tonight. What's up?_

 ** _I didn't bring too many clothes with me. I need to go shopping._**

 _Come to my house._

 ** _Okay, give me like half hour._**

* * *

They'd stayed out shopping until about 3pm, then Ruby had to go home, take a quick nap and get ready for work in the evening. But as Emma didn't have a way to get back into Regina's house after she'd locked up earlier, she stayed out until after six.

So at 6:32pm, Emma and her shopping bags arrived on Regina's front step. She rang the bell to be let in.

"You're back…" Regina stated.

"Yeah, I just needed to get some things." They faced off for a moment as she imagined Regina got over the initial shock of her _actually_ returning to the house. "Are you still okay with me staying here?"

"You can come in for now; we'll talk about that later. But I have company over." She moved to let Emma into the house with her purchases.

"I'll just go put these in the guest room so they're not in your way."

Regina nodded and Emma headed off to the other side of the house where there was an unfurnished guest room.

But when Emma returned to the living room, she was met with the hard glare of her ex-best friend/girlfriend's older sister.

"Hm, look what the cat dragged in…"

Emma didn't know how to respond to Margaret's contempt – once upon a time she'd been warmly received by each member of Regina's family. But when Margaret made a target out of a person, she was like a bull seeing red.

"Hi, Margaret…"


	3. Chapter 3

**The Big Conversation!**

 **Note: My limited knowledge of Borderline Personality is based on some beginner level research and an hour long conversation with my psychiatrist cousin two years ago. If I've inaccurately portrayed the struggle, please don't yell at me. I'd love to learn more on the topic in a constructive way. As you know based on previous author's notes, this story draws on real life experiences for me. And I'm a firm believer that people who have loved ones with this disorder can be great help just by altering the way they interact with their BP loved ones; but just the same, the person struggling with the disorder needs to make an effort as well. That's what I tried to convey here.  
**

 **Next up will be Emma attempting to "prove" her love to Regina. Any suggestions on how she can accomplish this?**

 **Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"Do you have some place to stay while you're in California or…" Margaret let the question drop off, wasting no time on her interrogation.

Regina knew what her sister was doing. Her sister what doing what she did best: making people feel like shit. She wanted to stop her but hell, didn't Emma kind of deserve it?

Emma stood awkwardly in her spot and let her arms cross over her stomach. She simply replied, "No, I didn't make arrangements. This was sort of a spur of the moment thing."

"Is she staying with you?" the older sister questioned Regina. "Why?"

"Margaret, I haven't decided anything yet, so can we please drop it for now?" Regina pleaded, trying to take back some control over the situation.

She seemed almost to want to protest and _not_ drop it, but Margaret acquiesced. She'd certainly be giving her sister an earful tonight, but not before calling their mother first and telling her about this. So she put on her best fake smile and gathered her purse and made to leave.

"Gina, I'll see you in the morning. I have to be at work early so I'll drop off Henry around seven-thirty. That okay?"

"Yes, I'll be awake. Bring the car seat in with you, just in case I have to go anywhere."

"Okay. Thank you," she leaned in to give her sister a kiss on the cheek. As Margaret walked toward the front door, she glanced at Emma and let out a high pitched _'hmmph.'_

Emma made to say something to her. "Margaret, I know you don't like me, but –"

"No, I _don't_ like you. You're selfish, cruel and a user and the only reason you're here now is because my little sister is too nice to tell you to get the hell out. So give me a reason, and I won't hesitate to come back here and kick your butt out myself!" She turned to leave.

Regina looked up to the ceiling, shaking her head. This was only the beginning of the stress. It had her wondering if Emma was even worth it.

Emma, for her part, stood speechless and watched as Regina's sister left, slamming the door behind her. She had the beginnings of tears in her eyes. It hurt to hear the truth. It hurt more thinking about how Margaret and she were once friends – family even. Not only had Emma lost Regina's trust and respect, but that of her family as well. How could they ever work as a couple when Regina's family would never approve? Regina's family was very important in her life. And family was everything to Emma.

* * *

About a half hour later, Regina had finished making dinner – nothing special, just pasta with vodka sauce.

"You call this 'nothing special?' This pasta is really good, Gi." Emma devoured the meal of bowtie pasta tossed with fresh vegetables and vodka sauce.

Regina shrugged, "It's just something I like to make sometimes."

"Uh huh… So you bought a coffee table after work, huh?" The blonde tapped her nails on the wooden table they were currently eating at in the living room – still no sofa or chairs, though.

"Yeah, I found it at this little store near my job and had them to deliver it this afternoon. Margaret came over to let them."

"Oh."

It was quiet as they ate, and sort of weird between the two. With virtually nothing in the house, there was nothing to distract from each other. Finally Emma spoke up again.

"So you have no T.V., no stereo system, and no living room. What do you do when you're home?"

"Well with renovations and work, I haven't had time to fully set up my home the way I'd like it. It's a work in progress," she replied defensively. "I mostly read or work on small projects during the week. Or I have company over and entertain them out back."

"Maybe I can help?"

"Help with what?"

"With the house – the small projects and renovations?"

Regina wanted to flat out say no, but she didn't want to be rude or hurt Emma's feelings. _What is it with not wanting to hurt_ her _feelings?_ Regina thought to herself. "Maybe."

"You're not working tomorrow?" Emma asked, mouth slightly full.

"Huh?"

"No work tomorrow? Margaret said she'll be here at seven-thirty?"

"I don't work on Tuesdays. I pretty much make my own schedule, and Tuesdays are the only days she and David don't have a babysitter, so…"

She noticed Emma's confused face even though the blonde attempted to conceal it. So she explained further. "Henry is my nephew."

Looking up to meet Regina's eyes, "They have a son?"

"Yeah. She was pregnant when you left, remember?"

And there it was: the segue into the "awkward" conversation. Regina seemed to flip an internal switch and she adopted an authoritative tone of voice. It was the sort of tone that conveyed no nonsense, straight-no-chaser, and _'I'm in charge here, so listen up.'_ It was also a tone that Emma would have been unfamiliar with as Regina hadn't really tapped into that part of herself until _after_ Emma.

To say Emma was shocked would be just scratching the surface.

"We were never really good at talking about the hard stuff…"

"As I recall," Regina rebutted, " _I_ was okay with talking. You were the one always avoiding the hard topics."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to not play dumb. I'd like for you to acknowledge that you did something fundamentally wrong and stop perpetuating this lie that you did what you had to. You didn't have to do anything you did. You wanted to because it was easier!"

She was yelling at this point. Well, it wasn't exactly yelling, but again the tone – it was not something Emma was used to and it hit right in the heart.

Regina continued. "Is it true that you believed I was seeing someone else and that's why you left?"

Hanging her head over her plate, Emma pushed the remaining food around listlessly and answered. "Yes and no. Like I said, while we were in Vegas, I did get a text from Robin randomly. He mentioned last time he spoke to you, you had told him about going out with a guy named Jeremy and that you guys messed around. Then he asked how you were doing because you had told him about taking a pregnancy test and then he never heard back from you. I didn't really believe him, but he told me enough for me to start wondering if it was true. And I'm not saying that I was right, but you know how I was; I was really insecure and I had of issues to deal with, so it was easy to believe that you would want someone better than me. And I thought, Robin was just randomly saying all that stuff like he already thought I knew, so it didn't seem like he would be lying about it. What reason would he have to lie about that?"

Regina almost didn't know what to say. There were so many things she wanted to say and all the thoughts were just bottlenecking around the edge of her lips.

"Are you serious?" she managed to get out. It wasn't even angry or incredulous; she really needed to know if this shit was for real.

"I told you when everything first started with us that I was fucked up and I would hurt you."

"Not an excuse, Emma! Being fucked in the head and being _stupid_ are two vastly different things! Here's what I don't get: you and I had known each other – had been friends – since we were thirteen and you honestly believed I could do that to you?"

Emma didn't know how to respond. Obviously she didn't think ill of Regina, but she _did_ basically admit to thinking ill of Regina. It was all so confusing, even to Emma. "I don't believe it anymore," she tried to smooth things over.

"Why did you believe it _then_?"

"I don't know – "

"Don't tell me you don't know! Think, Emma. Why do you always think the worst of me? You get these ideas in your head and rather than use logic and reason with yourself why it doesn't make sense, you fly off the handle. I asked you – that whole last day in Vegas – I kept asking you what was wrong and what do you say? Nothing. You refused to speak to me. You wouldn't look at me. I would walk into a room, and you would leave. We would be in the middle of a group conversation and when I'd say something, you ignored me. You spoke to literally everyone else on that trip except me. That hurt; it was humiliating!"

"I know…"

"You don't know. You can't know because when I tried to call and text you after we got back to New York, you never answered me. You never spoke to me again and I never got to tell you how I felt about it so you don't know."

The brunette was sitting over on the window sill by now. She'd needed space to get this all off her chest.

Emma started quietly, "I've been in therapy. I know it doesn't do much to fix what I did wrong, but I understand myself better now. I know that sometimes the things I believe and my perception of things isn't always accurate and I tend to go off based on false perceptions."

"What are you talking about?"

"My therapist referred to it as Borderline Personality, but we agreed not to become stuck on labels – "

"I know what it is and I know you have it."

"How?"

"Before Vegas, the arguments you and I had been having were escalating and I started noticing a pattern with you, so I did a lot of research. I spoke to a psychiatrist I know and although she couldn't exactly confirm it, she did tell me her opinion. And I started learning about behavioral therapies for borderline people. I even went as far as using some of the techniques I learned on you and it had been working. You started opening up to me more and confiding me – that's how I knew my hunch was correct, because the techniques were working.

"But remember that day in Vegas when we were in the hot tub? You told me how sometimes you get angry to a point where you won't see reason and that you just need space and time to deal with your issue, then you'll come back to the world. I told you it was fine, and I was beginning to understand more and more how to deal with you, but I made you promise me that you wouldn't let things get to the point of no return anymore. You couldn't keep your anger bottled up then let it all explode on me. I told you that if I do or say anything that gets you angry or hurts you in some way, I might not be aware of what I've done but I need you to tell me so we can talk it out.

"You promised that you would and that and things would be different. Then literally the next day, you find out some bad piece of information about me, and that promise completely went out the window. I've always known who you were and what your flaws were and I loved you regardless. And I never cared about whatever diagnosis you may or may not have. But I cared that you shut me out. It's not because you have Borderline Personality that we're not together – it's because you couldn't get over yourself long enough to just talk to me. If you had, I would have told you that you had it all wrong."

With that, Regina got up from the window seat and took both sets of dishes to the kitchen. As she was washing, she noticed in her periphery that Emma had gone back into the guest room.

Drying her hands on a towel, Regina was alerted to her phone vibrating inside her purse on the counter. She removes the device to see an incoming call from Ruby.

"Ruby?"

"Hey, Regina! How are you?"

"I'm okay. What's up?"

"Not much. I'm getting ready for work. But I wanted to ask you: have you heard from Emma today? I know you guys haven't spoken in years, but –"

"How'd you know?"

Ruby grunted into the phone, "She randomly showed up at my house yesterday and told me about her plan to get you back. I basically told her it didn't sound like a good idea. I think she wanted help, but honestly, you know how I felt about that whole thing."

"I know."

"So did she call you?"

"No, she came here."

"What? How did she know where?"

"She said she got the address from your phone."

"Oh, man. I'm sorry, dude. I didn't give it to her."

"It's okay; it's not your fault." She paused before asking Ruby the question that was on her mind. But Ruby seemed to have picked up on it anyway.

"Is she there right now, Regina?"

"Yeah…"

"Just be careful. Obviously I can't tell you what to do, but be careful. Do what makes you happy. No, scratch that – do what will make you happy in the long run."

"I'll try. You know how I get with her."

"Stupid?"

Regina chuckled, "Yes. And shut up. Can I call you and vent if I need to? I know you hated hearing about us the first time around…"

"Does that mean there's going to be a round two?"

"I don't know; but it's us, so who knows."

"Yeah, you can call me. Or come over, so we can drink. And don't let her dump all over you, okay?"

"I won't. Thank you. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye!"

"Who was that?" Emma asked. She'd just walked back into the kitchen. Of course, she came in on the _'I love you'_ part of the conversation.

Regina just raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. "Really? You come back yesterday and think you can question who I talk on the phone to?"

"I was just asking."

"It was Ruby."

"Oh," was her simply reply. _Wait, did Regina love Ruby? Like as a friend or –_

Her thinking was interrupted by Regina. "Hello?"

"Sorry, what?"

The brunette huffed. "I asked if you have anything more to say about what we discussed. I'm not doing that thing where we talk a little bit then forget anything ever happened but never actually solve any problems. I'm not the same person you remember, Emma. And I won't be allowing you to get away with your bullshit and surface skimming."

"Does that mean you're giving us a chance?"

"I want to know why you're here. What does it mean to you to get my forgiveness? Are you planning on running away again when it gets complicated?"

Blowing out a huge breath, Emma leaned on the countertop. Regina was right – she truly was not the same. Old Regina would have let her ignore their problems and would have waited patiently for Emma to come to her, even if she never would. New Regina demanded answers. Old Regina would have waited with open arms for Emma anytime, anywhere, no matter what. New Regina didn't seem to have the same patience.

"You want to know the real reason I left?"

Regina waited expectantly.

Emma continued. "I was scared. I know I told you that a lot. And I guess you thought it was something I would get over when I realized you weren't going anywhere. But it didn't go away. I was terrified that if we started dating seriously, eventually you would do something – or most likely, _I_ would do something – and someone would get hurt to the point of no turning back. Then I'd lose my girlfriend and my best friend all in one. It was a risk I couldn't take."

"But you made that happen anyway. You were so afraid of it happening and it happened, but not because we started dating."

"I know. But I really want to try again. I'm not the same anymore and you're not the same. But we're still Emma and Regina. We're still us. We're meant to be." She hung her head. It wasn't due to lack of confidence in her statement, but perhaps lack of confidence in her ability to get through to the woman she'd hurt so badly.

"Why do you believe in us now?"

"I always believed in us, Gi. It's just that now I know that my fear isn't worth losing you. Before I thought I was being selfless in letting you go be happy with someone other than me, because all I could do was hurt you. But I realized I'd rather be selfish and have you in my arms and love you than selfless and missing part of myself."

With a dry chuckle, Regina made a quick retort. "That sounds nice, but you'll understand if I don't trust a word of it?"

"How do I get you to trust me again? How can I show you that I love you?"

"Earn my trust." Her reply was quick. She knew what she wanted to say, but didn't exactly know, herself, what she meant by it. " _Prove_ to me that you love me."

"Prove it how?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Funny how cathartic writing fan fiction is...**

 **Please review, favorite, and follow. I love and appreciate all the support.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Dear Emma,_

 _It's been a while since I've written one of these to you. I believe the last time I wrote, I discussed missing you, wanting you back, and being willing to work on us. I truly did believe that you and I were meant to be. The thing is I'm starting to believe that maybe "meant to be" doesn't always happen. I think with you and me, it might have been a case of Destiny vs. Free Will. Just because there's a destined path for you doesn't mean you can't affect it with the choices you make._

 _A lot of times I think about you. I imagine you'd come to find me years later and tell me that you're sorry and you want to try to be us again. I wouldn't want to hear it; it'd be hard to look past years of hurt and confusion. I'd tell you I'm over you and you should get over me too, but you know me better than anyone ever has and you wouldn't accept that I don't love you anymore. So you'd vow to earn back my trust and begin a series of romantic acts and gestures to show me that you love me and want me to trust you again. I would try not to let it phase me. I'd resist you as much as I could, but truthfully it would only be a matter of time before I give in to you. I'd love you again – slowly and cautiously at first. You'd let me go as slow as I'd need. And that would be the second beginning of us._

 _There is no promise in this fantasy whatsoever. I'm ready to let you go if that's what I must do. I also often imagine the new great love of my life. She would have so many of the qualities that I loved in you: fiercely protective; warm, safe hugs; she'd bring out my silly side. But she'd be so much more than you, also. When she gets scared, she'd allow me to comfort her. When she feels like running, she'd look at me and stay. When she hurts me, she'd acknowledge it and never do it again._

 _That's what I need now. It's what I want. And if you can't be that, then do me a favor: don't come find me. Because if I know you like I think I do, you'll show up right when I find her and make it impossible for me to choose. You'll suddenly be the warm, loving, honest knight in shining armor that you never were before, and because you basically own my heart, you'll make it impossible for me to not hurt her._

 _But if you can be that, then you know how to find me. And when you do, hopefully there will be no one else in the picture. Even though you treated me like yesterday's trash, I'm finding out the hard way that there is honestly nothing you could do to make me stop loving you; and you know all you'd have to do is ask me and I'd always choose you._

 _I write these letters to you as if you will actually read them. I'm willing to bet you never will. I'm not sure if I ever want you to. But I guess I imagine that, wherever you are, you somehow know that I've been trying to reach you. At least that's what I wish._

 _-R._

A single tear fell from Emma's eye and dripped onto the last sheet of the four-page letter. Somehow, Regina's imaginings came to life. Emma _had_ come to find her years later. She _had_ expressed to her that she wants to try again. But had Regina moved on? Had she found the dream woman she described in this letter? But most importantly, would she eventually let Emma love her again?

It had been pure coincidence that Emma found this box of letters – along with some other memorabilia from their friendship – just a few days after Regina challenged her to prove her love and devotion. She hadn't a clue how to even go about that. Her brainiac idea had been to simply watch all of Regina's favorite chick flicks and copy the cutesy romantic gestures she found in them.

Another thought crossed Emma's mind: it must have occurred to the brunette that almost everything in her final letter to Emma had come to pass. She's probably been freaking out since she first opened the door for Emma! _'Oh, real smart of you Emma,'_ the blonde chastised herself. _'It_ just _occurred to you that she might be freaking out?'_

"God, you suck!" Emma hissed at herself.

Just then Regina chose to walk into her bedroom and spot her ex-friend on the floor of her closet. Emma hadn't even heard the front door open and close.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" she asked as she walked closer to the walk-in closet.

"Hi," Emma scrambled off the floor, packing up the contents of Regina's memorabilia box. "I uh, remember you said the hanger rod in your closet needed to be replaced? I went to Lowes earlier and got a new set…" She pointed up to the new hanger rod and bracket set on the wall.

"How did you even get in the house?!"

"You left the bathroom window open. Don't do that again, by the way. I climbed in pretty easily."

"Emma, you broke into my house? What the hell?!"

"I'm sorry; it's just-like I said, I remembered the closet thing and I know you wouldn't have time until the weekend. And I'm sure you want to hang all your nice, expensive clothes in your own closet instead of the guest room, so…"

"What were you doing with that?" Regina interrupted. She pointed to the box, which she remembered she'd left on the floor of the closet, near her shoes.

"I didn't mean to open it; when I was measuring the closet, I stepped on it by accident. I saw some old things I recognized so –"

"So you decided to snoop?"

"Yeah, kind of."

Regina picked up the box and immediately saw the open envelopes – the letters she'd written and never mailed to Emma. Her breath caught and she couldn't manage to look Emma in the eyes, at least for a long moment before she finally looked back up.

The other woman saw the wall go up behind Regina's eyes, brick by brick. "I want to talk about those, if you don't mind."

"I mind, Emma! They were never meant for you to read!"

"Are you sure about that? They were addressed to me. They had my name on them. It seemed a lot like you wanted me to read them."

"I wrote them because I had no other way to talk to you. I very well couldn't vent to you or tell you how I felt about what you did because you were gone. I had to write these in order to maintain my sanity. But you had no right to read them!"

"You're right. I'm sorry. Even if I saw them, I should have waited and asked you if I could read them."

She began to protest but stopped. Emma apologizing and admitting guilt without deflecting some of the guilt on her in return: this wasn't something Regina was used to.

Emma took the silence as an opportunity and continued. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have, but I can't change the fact that I read them. And Gina, I really want to talk about them. If tonight isn't a good night, maybe we can hang out sometime soon and just talk – about whatever."

Regina didn't really _want_ to talk about these letters with Emma, but she also didn't want to prolong whatever conversation Emma wanted to have. And she definitely didn't want to 'hang out' the way the blonde had so casually requested. A part of her always did want Emma to read these – to know how much she hurt and to understand her confusion with the way their whole relationship ended yet never really started. And ideal as it may not have been, this was that chance.

"I never sent them to you, obviously."

"We share at least one mutual friend. How come you never like, gave it to Neal to give to me?"

"You'd made it clear that you didn't want me in your life anymore. I thought about it. About a year ago, I called Neal to say hi, around his birthday. I told him I had been thinking about you a lot and I wanted to find out if there was anything to salvage. I asked him if he thought that would be something you wanted also. I figured he's your best friend – he'd know if you missed me or not, or maybe you'd spoken to him about it too. He basically told me that sometimes things happen and we have no explanation for it, and it's best to move forward with life. I got the impression that he knew you didn't miss me at all but he just didn't want to hurt me by telling me straight forward."

The whole time Regina had spoken she hadn't looked at Emma at all. But now she looked up and locked eyes with the blonde, her voice more assured. "That was before the last letter and after the second to last one. If you notice, the second to last letter I told you that I still loved you and I wanted you back. After I wrote it, I called Neal to kind of feel him out and see if I could make it happen. Then he said what he said and I didn't write again for several months. Then I wrote the last letter."

Speechless, Emma put her hands in her pockets and eyed the shorter woman with guilt and regret. She wanted to leap forward and wrap her arms and legs around Regina like a koala bear and beg her to take her back. But after what happened that first night, Regina had been extra careful to keep a good amount of physical distance between them; she didn't want to violate that. "Did you ever find her?"

"Did I find who?" she responded with a bit of exasperation in her voice.

"The woman you talked about in the last letter… You said you imagined you'd find someone who was like me, but much more. Have you found her yet?"

She saw no need to lie, so Regina simply answered, "No."

"Good."

"But I haven't given up on finding her. I always thought my 27th year would be the lucky one; but not much happened. Maybe now that I'm 28, this will be my lucky year…"

Emma watched as Regina placed the lid back on the box of memories and reached to place it high up on a shelf. Her heart beat faster at the sight of the brunette's shirt riding up as she stretched. Regina turned to walk out of the closet, yanking on the pull chain of the light bulb. Emma stood in the dark of the walk-in for a moment before heading out, herself.


End file.
